Growing up while not growing at all - explained

All the confidence, all the weightlessness one felt thinking - or not thinking - about future, or education, or life, or career, I don't feel it anymore. Maybe, JUST MAYBE, this is what growing up is all about - I'm not sure though. The most comforting part of the day for my body is when it's asleep. And this when it doesn't go through any physical stress at all.

The confusion about life, and the confusion about everything in general, that is placed like a lesser-liked, harmless toy in a child's inventory becomes a constant torturing force. Weak but constant, it's always there as soon as you wake up...