What is this all?!
"Yeah?! Yeah maybe.. But who's paying for all the uncertainty..?"
"Uncertainty's there always.. It 'll be there.. Maybe one can just hang with the good part.." "Maybe!"
--
It is, no doubt, good to live out by your heart, to make mistakes, to give yourself a fair chance to understand things by going through them than to try and to always try to be the safest person who avoids the least of curvy paths from the straight path that offers everything right and everything just the way it should be. Are we okay with making mistakes or we're just scared?! Scared??!! Of what? Am I scared? And if I can't seem to answer that then what would be my answer to my own head if I ask myself- am I scared of nothing?! That is so not true!
I am scared! I am shit scared!
--
I am just old academically. But not so old in reality. In college, I am just 3 years "more experienced" than other students if and only if we talk about the "free life after school". Where was I? What was I doing? I hardly find someone interested in hearing that any more than I am interested in telling. Who am I? A ghost who's trying everything out, and has no problems with the precious time people like to spend only in something academic or monetary enough. And this IS the uncertainty I have with me. Because of what I don't feel free just to everything.
And who am I confusing anyways?! What if a fricken crush sticks to you while you are in the middle of all this?! You are doomed! I.. am doomed!
Who's life isn't a mess? Who is never in trouble? Who is completely happy anyways?!
And even if all were "completely happy" someday or the other, wouldn't we wish to die the same day??? On the happiest day of our lives?!
Where does all this lead?! Why are we always "runnin' in circles" and "chasing our tales"?! What would the good man do through all this? All this?? All this- a logically still fine but weirdly developing career and education.. Aren't we mere JARHEADs going through a war, hoping to return home one day but without a single shot fired?! I am a jarhead.. just in India, just pretending to fight my own imaginary war.. !
Answers will always be less than questions, that is the only reason answers are respected more! Because we dont usually have them!
To be continued..
[meanwhile, see Why or how are we here? Or anywhere? by mranjansingh]
3 comments:
most of the times.. it's just the questions banging in our heads, isn't it? and I surely have bugged you a helluva lot with all my questions.. heehee!!
maybe somehow the fact that we are asking questions, even if in our heads, is a good sign. at least we are still reasoning and unearthing ourselves and our thoughts and the way we are made up..
and yes, answers are good at hiding.. or maybe non-existing.. perhaps we ask questions to reach that point in life where we are comfortable with those questions and not bothered by it.. in a way it nullifies itself.. maybe!!
waiting for the continuation.. :D
hey jarhead ;)
Just like spider man's MJ, ur crush too wont mind supporting u, dont feel doomed, just ask her once
waise ye april ka hai toh u must b fine by now :)
hope its continued part wud be positive :)
thanks guys!
yea ranjan u've bugged me big time in my life with questions, questions n questions.. n tanu, its august, n m still not fine! ;)
will write soon!
keep reading, thanks again! :)
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